Beefy Hunk and the Poontang Adventure

MSCW-C
Alas, our intrepid hero failed the challenge.

Where to go to lunch is always a workday quandary. Do you go somewhere close and get back to work quickly or do you coerce your coworkers into embarking on an hours long adventure? Well, normally the first option is the most career-savvy choice, but every now and then…

Today was just one of those days.

Enter my three cohorts. Coworker A: a fun-loving go-getter who always encourages me in my more evil workplace pranks. Coworker B: an intelligent and hardworking, soft-spoken female coworker. And of course, Coworker C: a rather large coworker who is often the brunt of the pranks in our little group.

We decided to head downtown today to Bigfoot Lodge. MSCW-C really really really needed to make a stab at eating the Sasquatch all by his lonesome. Or at least, the rest of us thought that he did. So we headed out on our journey, encountering unusual scenery along the way. We saw a pick-up truck hauling a trailer with 4 deer carcasses and 2 large pig carcasses. Somewhat off-putting to say the least. We, however, were not deterred.

MSCW-C received a call from his wife. Upon telling her where he was headed and the glory to which he was aspiring, she promptly reminded him that he was supposed to be on a diet and that he needed to consider the fact the he would be putting 4 pounds of cow into his body. He did not let her siren-song of logic dissuade him from his mighty task. He then received a second call telling him that his mother was ashamed of him. Such a blow! But he persevered and stayed the course.

In all due time, and after only a short bout of being lost in a parking garage downtown, we made it to the restaurant and ordered our feast. MSCW-A and I ordered normal and not-so-frightening meals. But the other two…

MSCW-B is doing a fantastic job of losing post-baby weight to get into a slinky dress for the Grammy Awards. We all know she’s going to do it and look absolutely fabulous, but she does get side-tracked every now and again. Like today. She ordered the Cobb salad, a healthier choice on the menu. When they didn’t have a low-cal dressing that sounded good to her, she opted to have no dressing at all. But then she asked about the soup. Loaded potato was our waiter’s response. She had to have a cup of that.

And then it was MSCW-C’s turn. He took a deep breath and went for the gold. The Sasquatch Challenge. After all, some little skinny guy managed to eat the whole thing in 11 minutes just last week. There’s no way that could have been pretty to watch.

Our poutine appetizer came out first. This was MSCW-B’s first encounter with that Canadian treat. She liked it a lot. Since today was her husband’s birthday, she was trying to decide where she would take him to dinner. She said that maybe she should bring him to Bigfoot and get him some poontang. A moment of stunned silence. And then 4-cheese burger came out of MSCW-A’s nose. We were nice and corrected her pronunciation, although we assured her that her husband would most likely enjoy his birthday if she ordered him some poontang.

Finally, the Sasquatch arrived. With much aplomb, MSCW-C divided the mammoth portion into quarters and dug in. The first quarter went down impressively fast. We thought he might just have a shot at finishing the whole thing. On the second quarter, he started slowing down. He managed to finish that one, but he was looking a wee bit green around the gills. We had them wrap the other half to go. And yes, they do have to wrap it in foil and bag it since they just don’t make styrofoam containers that big. Wrapped all in foil, it looked like a ham and felt about as heavy as one.

Of course, while our valiant friend was tackling his hunk of beef, the rest of us had finished our entrees. There was nothing for it but to take a gander at the dessert menu. After all, it would have been rude to force MSCW-C to eat alone. I chose the peanut butter deep dish cookie a la mode, and I have no regrets on that choice. I should have skipped the whole entree thing and just gotten a couple of those. My coworkers each chose the apple cobbler a la mode. MSCW-A described it as “cinnamony”, but it must have been delicious since MSCW-B ate every bite of hers and promised to run 9 miles tomorrow to make up for it.

While we were eating, MSCW-C’s long-suffering wife was at the bookstore. She bought him Overcoming Binge Eating and Why Can’t I Stop Eating. Because she cares. A lot.

All in all, a fun time was had by all. Bellies were filled. Work was avoided (at least for a little while). And there was blog fodder.


Kooky Canuck — née Bigfoot Lodge
97 S. Second Street
Memphis, Tennessee 38103
(901) 578-9800

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