Things I have learned about Hawaii

Big Beach Surfing

After just twenty-four hours, I became an expert on the Aloha State. I feel that is my obligation to share my wisdom.

There is no indoors/outdoors in Hawaii. There is only covered and not covered.

The enormity of the Pacific Ocean is powerful and moving — it moved my big butt several feet up the beach.

I have discovered a condition that I call ostrich ear. Because of ostrich ear if you even think too hard about going to the beach, you will get sand in your ears. And if you actually go to the beach… well, we don’t want to talk about where the sand goes then.

The ostrich ear souvenir corollary — once you have sand in your ears it will stay with you for weeks — long after you have gone home.

I know more Canadians from Hawaii than I do from Canada. Go figger.

It is physically impossible to blog from Hawaii. There is a blog vortex. No matter how much you may wish to chronicle the day’s events, there is no energy left to do so.

And finally:
Item one — the GPS in the rental car could not find a satellite while on resort property. Item two — Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and (maybe) baby Suri were in the grand suite at the resort. Coincidence? I think not. I think Xenu is in on this one.

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